May 2013
5 posts
“Do not settle for less than exactly what you want. Your heart’s desires are...”
– Franki Durbin (via perfect)
So, I grew balls tonight. My confidence was at a high point and I decided to talk to the associate of mine I have a forbidden crush on. It was good. I feel almost…detached in a sense because I know he is ten times too cute for words and would never go for me. I beat myself up after we chatted because I almost feel like getting to know him is a crime. We make jokes at each other, and laugh and goof...
Stop signs and coffin sticks
So, I bought a car! I am getting my license in 12 days or less and I quit smoking. I am pretty content, we’ll sorta. I still have a few things that bother me, but who the Fuck doesn’t. I am really surprised at myself however, for the choices that I have made. I hope that things in my life can get better. I still have a stupid crush on my associate, but that will pass. Hmmm
Desolate
I think I realized today how alone I really am. Sitting here in the ER, due to chronic coughing and lung pain, I watch as all the jolly couples cuddle each other in pathetic harmony. I sit here coughing over and over again, each cough a foot deeper in dirty looks. I wonder how I can be so alone, how if I we’re to just stop breathing no one would know for hours, and I would be left loveless....
Tumbleweeds
So for a while I hadn’t been crushing on anyone, I might as well had claimed celibacy as well, anyways we got someone new at my work who made me giggle like an uninhabited school girl. I’m not one for going off the charts or anything, but im aware that dating employees isn’t in the cards for any job, but I had plans.. Until the girl mext door Chantilly clad gave away her digits so that now the...
April 2013
12 posts
Two faced
So, I swear to God that jealousy is one of the ugliest shades a girl can wear. I hate coming to this conclusion, but it’s gotten to where one of my “friends”/ Co workers has reeked literal homeschool havoc on myself and my life. I’m sorry that my witty banter and interpersonal skills are quite nifty, but I am not sorry that you assume every ounce of my being is flirting...
Anonymous asked: Hey babe, I know how you feel. I recently had this guy flirt with me for 2 months straight and then suddenly go back to his ex. And I know what you mean about the online dating. It just doesn't feel... real. You want someone to hold your hand, to kiss you, to take time out of their day to come see you, right? I know. And I really have nothing to say except this. I know how it feels. And...
I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take this mothefucking loneliness that weighs on me like an aircraft carrier. I can’t take the exhaustion. I can’t take the stress. I can’t understand why I literally have no one to want me, and why I always help my friends out with their multiple relationship problems. Every single time I find that someone is interested in me, it isn’t my laugh or smile or style...
Soooo…. Recently work has been a complete drag and the means of my stress..I have tried my hardest and yet one of my Co workers never fails to put me down. I took the issue to my manager and haven’t been there in two days, but am surely hoping that by tomorrow things will be a little more crystal. I am however, nervous that this will create even.more tension which I am frankly trying...
what is wrong with me? what is wrong with my timing? I always seem to lose when I am so close to winning. I was talking to this guy- who, of course I met online, because get real, it’s literally a fantasy to meet someone in person nowadays who won’t want to fuck (and just fuck) and things were going fairly well. I was happy and even excited to meet him next week…..but guess...
March 2013
22 posts
impossible
I wish I could go to work tomorrow and find all of my supervisors and associates hot-boxing the break room. I can just see them all glossy eyed and giggling, eating knockoff cheese puffs like hyenas….that would be too fucking funny…
I have to be to work again, and I can’t help but stay awake because sleep makes it get sooo much closer to that time and frankly, that sounds the least bit fun currently. I am tired and sober and sad. I just want something that keeps me happy, and at least on my toes a little bit. I am tired of always feeling so depressed and wanting something more than what I actually have. I suppose that...
I feel sick. I just want to grab you and tell you everything will be alright, let you know that now isn’t forever and there is always hope. There has to be hope. I don’t want you to give up on yourself because you’re stuck in a rut and suffocating in repition….it has to get a little better, it has to..loo
lifeee
I feel literally draied and empty, I haven’t slept. My night faded from an ongoing party to homework non-stop. I think I have learned my lesson, sleep is important and I really need to not procrastinate or value drops or alcohol and the occasional midnight blunt over my future. T-4 hours until my final is due.
soooo tired
but my mind is wandering again. in hopes that one day you’ll be mine and we’ll travel and stare at the stars while sitting on the bed of the truck that you’ll have somewhere in the outskirts of vegas in the winter three years from now. im pretending that I can predict. the thought is nice, but i need to go to bed so that maybe ill dream of you again and we’ll be making memories in the...
With my girls. Need this. Beeer.
Can’t get you out of my mind…stop knocking on my psyche…:(
Lately, I have felt so numb. All I have truly lived for recently, is the excitement of weekends and drunken adventures and trying to find something to REALLY live for…and yet, even though I have school and friends and a job- I still feel like…I need attention? need a reason to smile, and even though I do smile, it isn’t for anything except making people not ask me what’s...
February 2013
8 posts
shakeshwarma:
Dirty Diana - The Weeknd (Echoes...
I can’t get The thoughts of what we talked about out of my head. They always come back. I am starting to believe that perhaps erasing him from my life would be The easier way to go about things, so that I could move on from the impossible and maybe even be happy. Well, who am I joking, I wouldn’t be happy, but ugh…..I just can’t seem to be happy either way. sometimes I wish...
I dont want to be in love. all it is doing is fucking eating at me because I can’t find happiness unless I could be in his arms and distance is keeping us apart and causing everything to change. im never happy anymore. I should just give the fuck up and be a goddamn hermit because all people ever do is bring me down. im so sad its utterly ridiculous.
January 2013
7 posts
and after everything…I still love him more than words can truly say. I lay here with my heart feeling hollow and cursed, sulking in it’s own putrid depression, and I can seem to grasp why things didn’t work out this time. Why for once in my fucking life I thought I could actually be given a fuck about, yet, again I was mistaken by distance and blinded by lies or mixed feelings. I...
